Dear Dr. Dover
Posted Saturday, June 29, 2013 04:39 PM


I wish to apply for an operation to make me
sterile. My reasons are numerous.

After being married for seven years and
having had 7 children, I have come to the
conclusion that contraceptives are useless.
After getting married here in West Virginia
I was advised to use the rhythm method.
Despite trying the Tango and the Samba,
my wife fell pregnant, and I ruptured myself
doing the Cha-Cha. Apart from that, where
do you find a band when you get the urge
at two o'clock in the morning?

A doctor suggested the safe period. At the
time, we were living with the in-laws and we
had to wait 3 weeks for the safe period,
when the house was empty. Needless to say
this didn't work, and the wife got pregnant.

A lady of several years' experience said if we
made love while breast feeding we would be
all right. Well, I finished up with clear skin,
silky hair and was very healthy... but the wife
got pregnant yet again.

Another tale we heard was if the wife jumped
up and down after intercourse this would
prevent pregnancy. She slipped a disk but
still got pregnant again.

I asked the chemist about the condoms and
he demonstrated them, so I bought a packet.
My wife fell pregnant again, which did not
surprise me as I never did believe how
stretching one of those things over your
thumb could prevent babies.

We tried the coil next but that didn't work.
It had a left-hand screw and my wife is
definitely a right-hand screw.

The Dutch cap was next and seemed to
be our answer, but my wife got severe
headaches when the only size available
was too tight across the forehead.

Eventually we tried the Pill, but it kept
dropping out, so she tried it between her
knees and I couldn't get anywhere near

You must appreciate my problems. If I
can't have the operation I will have to
resort to oral sex, and I can't believe that
talking about it is any substitute for the
real thing.

Yours sincerely,